Silent Hill: Collage
by Kylemacuk1234
Summary: This story isn't the best parody..*cough*QuietHill*cough*, But it's to my taste.
1. The introductionTO HELL!

Silent Hill: Collage! ========================DISCLAIMER========================== Yes, I do own all rights to the Silent Hill franchise.and in-fact to all of KONAMI..and I own the rights to your SOUL!  
  
*MUHUHHUHUHHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!*  
  
Are you.are you trying to seduce me with your soul?  
  
You sick minded- UGH!  
  
Oh god! Why!? You know what. I MAY NOT WRITE THIS STORY OUT NOW!  
  
Wha-? You don't care.why you little-!  
  
Aah.you have a large brother! Well then.let us begin.  
  
===================END MADNESS.UH..DISCLAIMER=============  
  
*Scene one, Harry Mason wakes up in a large restaurant, the windows are condensed, and there is a faint essence of fire* Harry: Where.where am I.? Last thing I remember I was..impaled by some guy with a sheet on his head. *Harry stands up and starts rubbing his forehead*  
  
Harry: Wow.smooth. Heather's, uh...what was it? Something like Cat hair rub? That did the trick. *continues to grab himself, here, there...and in places that cannot be told for this rating.._ * When Harry has fully fondled himself, he starts walking to the door *  
  
Harry: A dip-a-doo-dah! A diddly doo a di- what the.?  
  
*A crash is heard from the kitchen, then a loud "WHYYY!?" echoes through the room, like a.uh...really loud sound! I startle myself sometimes.*  
  
*Two kids barge out of the kitchen, one is on fire, the other is frantically trying to pull the tab off an extinguisher*  
  
Harry: No! God, why do you mock me?! I "accidentally" kill your brother, and you try to send me insane, by sticking me in the set of."Good Burger".  
  
* Lightning hits a sign reading: "Brahms, thattaway! Hell, thissaway!*  
  
Harry: *wipes a surprising amount of sweat from his forehead* I can still escape. Phew!  
  
*More lightning is thrown down and hits the road, making it crumble, but still intact*  
  
The sky: GAAAHhHAh..!  
  
* One by one white stairs-supported by clouds-appear to the ground. A man in a white robe walks down gracefully, and starts kicking at the road until it crumbles into a large abyss*  
  
*He looks at Harry and laughs, so Harry shoots him into the hole.*  
  
Harry: Tell Sammy I said Hi! Wow! I am the king of one liners! *Harry glows gold for a second  
  
So Harry left the restaurant and took the road to Silent Hill, where he found many new friends, such as skinned dog.  
  
*Enter house on Levin Street*  
  
*Harry walks in, He is wearing a fedora hat, a white t-shirt with a green tie and blue bellbottoms*  
  
Harry: *throws hat in the air-and surprisingly- gets it square on the hook of his coat holder. He sits in the dining room and turns the TV on. No signal.* Hey, we have a new channel! Damn.it's a re-run. Hey, skin, where are you?  
  
*Harry walks into Katana room, and sees Skinned Dog pinned to the floor by katana, on the wall there is a note:*  
  
I Killed your pet dog for you!  
  
You should be killing kiddies in Midwich by now!  
  
We won't have time for Heather or James.so much for a collage! Now go, gimp! Yours, Dahlia.  
  
Harry, upset and vewwy angwy at the nasty lady. Decides to head for, THE FRIDGE for something to eat.then to THE SCHOOL. To take his anger out on cute lil' demonic children with knives. Awww.  
  
*Meanwhile, somewhere in Portland sewers*  
  
Heather: *drying her hair with conveniently placed Dryer* hmm.I have a sudden urge to.  
  
*Heather throws all of her weaponry into the water*  
  
Heather: Damn. Well..this is it. *pulls rusty pipe out of her jacket pocket*  
  
Heather: *throwing the pipe in* pleasepleaseplease! *The pipe is thrown back at her and knocks her backwards, making her un-grip the dryer. Causing it to fall into the water.*  
  
=ZzZzZAAaAAP!=  
  
Heather's weapons and an anime fairy bubbles up, Her long, beautiful blonde hair singed.Her White gown burnt to a skimpy bikini.  
  
Heather: Da-yum girl! That outfit is hot! What's the code?  
  
Fairy: X.x  
  
Heather: *sighs and picks up her weapons.and the Gold and Silver pipes* hmm.Not too many scrapes and bumps.I would say $1000 for both..  
  
* Heather continued to hustle to herself and somehow found a way to Hilltop centre.  
  
*Now our lovely camera-man, myself.takes us to Paleville county.*  
  
James: Could Mary really be in this town? I mean...the letter I received was in her hand-writing, and the words used matched her intelligence.but...it just.  
  
*James opens up letter and reads again*  
  
DeAr LiVinG UseD To Be HuSbanD, IT iS Me MaRy, I aM NoT DeAD!!1!! I Am In LakeViEw HTel, BuT I UrGe YoU To SeArCh EvErY OtHEr BuIlDiNg In SiLeNT HiLL, To GIVe ThE GaMe LoNGeR LiFe, AnD GiVE YoU ThE ChANcE Of MEEtInG A beautiful WomAN, Who WAlkS, TALkS, And AcTS Like Me, I MiGhT JuSt Be The NeXt BeSt ThiNg, BuT NoT LiKe Me! CoS I Am MarY, YeS I'M The ReAL Mary, All YoU OtHEr DeMoN LadiES WeRe MadE By A FaIrY, So WonT The ReaL Dead mAry, PLZ StanD Up, Plz Stand UP, PlZ StanD Up! oH, And If YoU HapPEn To MeEt a HunK CalLeD EDDiE DoMbRoWSki, TeLl HiM I SAiD Hi!  
  
SiGNed,  
  
YoUr Dea*scribbled out* NOT DEAD WiFe, MaRy!  
  
Every time James read that letter, he got a feeling of intense pain, and in the end threw it into a well. James then walked back up to his car, and tried the ignition. This time with his keys. (He knew he forgot something last time) He reversed into a creature that appeared for the sole purpose of a gory ending, and drove into the large gate that had somehow appeared when James was.freshening up. The WELCOME sign, that was missing the L and last E, burst into flames and fell onto James' car. A large Grey thing hovered above and swooped down.  
  
This is the end of chapter one.  
  
I hope you enjoyed.I freshened it up a bit.so R&R! 


	2. A birthday, a deathdayand a teenager who...

====================Like, OMG! Disclaimer!======================  
  
*Has gun held to back of head*  
  
After some controversial issues in the last chapters Disclaimer, I have Willingly signed this letter saying I do not own KONAMI, your soul or any of the Powerpuff girls. Please enjoy this chapter..!_!  
  
===This chapter was Willingly dedicated to HypnosPtype=====================  
  
Previously on: Silent Hill: Collage!  
  
Last week on, SH: C!  
  
Harry: *throws hat in the air-and surprisingly- gets it square on the hook of his coat holder. He sits in the dining room and turns the TV on. No signal.* Hey, we have a new channel! Damn. It's a re-run. Hey, skin, where are you?  
  
*Harry walks into Katana room, and sees Skinned Dog pinned to the floor by katana, on the wall there is a note:*  
  
I Killed your pet dog for you!  
  
You should be killing kiddies in Midwich by now!  
  
We won't have time for Heather or James. So much for a collage! Now go, gimp! Yours, Dahlia.  
  
And some other stuff, that if repeated.will make this chapter long and boring. Even More boring.  
  
This humble and Willingly written chapter starts with Heather. As Harry is reluctant to be followed anymore and James is currently out of our reach.  
  
*Heather stumbles out of sewer and spits*  
  
Heather: Like, Oh my god. So EW! I hate that place. It brings back a memory of me and a man with green breeches, and a blue shirt, searching for Yoshi. Now how did I remember that?  
  
For those not in the "technological know-how", Heather is a re-incarnation of Mario. After he was killed in a freak flushing accident.  
  
*She walks into the building, which is surrounded by a large white canvas. Her common sense told her to rip open the canvas, and run the hell away, but living with Harry Mason for 17 years lowered her reaction time, and by the time the signal got to her arm to chop away the canvas, well, due to this rating, what she did cannot be said. Let's just say it involved a perverted Japanese game creator and a detective who has unfortunate luck.*  
  
Heather went up the flight of stairs to a display room which had strange bath in the middle. She remembered a story her father once told her about "The chocolate fairy of the tap, and her friend, Puff, the magic dragon". She turned the tap on. Nothing. Not even some aspestos. She went to exit the room, when, a loud "GuUuRRrRGGGLlE" seemed to fly around the room, It was as if the sounds were Spooks hiding in the corners, getting ready to pounce:  
  
*Spook 1, on Radio* Ok.. Nothing yet. Just wait.  
  
*door opens*  
  
Spook 2: There she is! She's walking towards position X.  
  
Spook 1: Ok.let's see if our years of endless subliminal children's stories paid off. *Heather turns on the tap* Ok, She worked out the code! Cut the circuits, Go, Go, GO!  
  
*The spooks pull out wires and attach them to the ceiling, they then proceed to swing around the room gurgling water* *Heather just stands there, oblivious*  
  
Spook1: Yeah, I think we got her.  
  
Spook 2: Cool.  
  
Yup, that's exactly how it happened.  
  
Heather: Ok. Nothing else here. Nothing at all. No. no sir-ee. I'll just be leavin' now.  
  
*A Spook runs out from the corner and pours a bucket of warm Jell-O into the bath*  
  
Heather: *turning round to see what the noise was, look in the bath once more* Oh my! How, surprising! I am so like, totally freaked out! I hope the world does not change now!  
  
*World changes*  
  
Heather: Oh no! *Heather collapses onto floor and grasps her head* Owies.  
  
*Heather walks out into a long corridor. She then walks into what looks like a hellish office*  
  
/CUE CUTSCENE/  
  
*Vincent walks in, sucking a Cola lollypop*  
  
Vincent: Ah, Heather. That is what your name is now?  
  
Heather: Who are you?  
  
Vincent: Ah, pardon my mysterious and ignorant nature, but I must do that throughout the game to seem cool. I am Vincent, Father Vincent. Don't forget it, OK? If you hate me, do not worry. I shall be killed later on my Claudia. You know that crazy bitch who killed Harry?  
  
Heather: Actually, I need to go downstairs and defeat the wicked-cool monstah before I see my dead father. Speaking of wicked-cool monstahs, have you been seeing them?  
  
Vincent: Hmmm. Monsters, you say? Well.hi-diddly doo. I happen to know one myself. Bobbie, you in that room?  
  
*A large groan is heard from the door next to Vincent*  
  
Vincent: She's preparing. She wants to be a DJ, you know? She has wicked- cool hands that spin all the time.  
  
Heather: Well, that's lovely. It just goes to show, one woman's hell is another man's paradise.  
  
Damn right it is. *Holds Closer's hand*  
  
Vincent: Wait, did you say monsters? Is that how you see them?  
  
Heather: O_O!!!  
  
Vincent: *falls on floor laughing* HAHAHAAA! Just a, just a joke Heather...heh! *wipes tear from eye* hahaaha.  
  
Heather: Wait..*pulls out piece of paper* That was the wrong line. You're supposed to say that in the creepy-ass Chapel. In the library where you ask if I got the Seal of Metatron from Leonard. Claudia's dad.  
  
Vincent: crap. That's the third time. I hope I don't get fired. This is  
  
all me and Bobbie have to live for. The last job I got was Squall. and  
  
I ended up getting ran over in Vampire Hunter X's story. that's when I  
  
landed outside the canvas covering this place but, whenever I look  
  
through my window, I think there's a whole new world out there.  
  
*Vincent's desk swings open and out climb two KONAMI representatives*  
  
Rep1: Vincent, could you come with us?  
  
Rep2: We need a talk.  
  
Vincent: NEVER!!!!  
  
*He runs into the bathroom and grabs Bobbie, who is actually Valtiel, he then jumps out the window, which seems to only be  
  
one floor tall' and right next to the set for Session 9.*  
  
Heather: Da-yum. All good things must come to an end.  
  
*The reps run after Vincent*  
  
That's enough of Heather. The story's running flat. I'll make it better,  
  
promise!  
  
*So we travel 70 miles to the East where James is in a burning wreck  
  
of a car.*  
  
James: *regaining consciousness* Huh...where be meh? What is happened  
  
to mah voice mon?  
  
*A beam of light appears above James' head, and he is pulled upwards*  
  
James: Whatchoo' talkin' 'bout Vakama?  
  
¬_¬  
  
James: Aaah. Holy Crap! *James is knocked out by a mysterious flying  
  
rock, hmm, wonder where that came from.*  
  
*Aboard Alien Spacecraft, James regains consciousness. Once again.*  
  
James: Who, where, how, when?  
  
*A squad of grey dudes pull out blastah's and aim at James*  
  
Alien1: likk rouy stnerap  
  
Alien2: likk rouy ylimaf  
  
James: huh? Lucky I brought my one of a kind alien decoder I found in  
  
some dude's trash. *James turns on what seems to look like the hyper-  
  
blastah from SH1, and aims it at an alien*  
  
Alien: Damn. Busted. *Is blown away by James' Decoder*  
  
James: Cool. It must be a blastah' decoder!  
  
*James blows away every alien, but gets out of control and blows away a  
  
portion of the ship. It would have been fine, but, it was the portion he  
  
was sat on. James fell back to Earth, and on the way down, burnt to  
  
smoulders. So let's find Harry*  
  
Harry seems to be hiding from us. He is somewhere in alternate school  
  
I wonder where- *chanting is heard* hmm. Let's find where that's coming from.  
  
*The chanting leads YOU, the humble and stupid reader, to the boiler  
  
room.*  
  
*The doors open slightly enough to see inside*  
  
Harry: Now, my demon children, rejoice...over the lizard. As today, it  
  
is:  
  
*The children and Harry shout together, while holding hands*  
  
All: HIS BIRTHDAY!!!  
  
*party poppers are popped, The fire in the centre of the room is not a  
  
dead body, but a cake. The lizard comes in from the side of the room  
  
and roars. Then eats the cake whole. Harry and the children all hug  
  
it*  
  
Awww.  
  
Harry: Ok, children. All come and sit in front of me! It's time for a  
  
story. It's about a dragon and a fairy...  
  
Ok, folks.That's all we have for this episode, tune back when I can be  
  
bothered to make the new one! 


	3. To the centre of the Earth, to the hospi...

==========================Dissing your Claimer====================  
  
I still don't own KONAMI, your soul or any of the Silent Hill franchise. Yet I now own Bubbles hair. So nyah!  
  
=========dedicated to ===============  
  
+++++++++++++++LAST WEEK ON SH:C++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
*Vincent walks in, sucking a Cola lollypop*  
  
Vincent: Ah, Heather. That is what your name is now?  
  
Heather: Who are you?  
  
Vincent: Ah, pardon my mysterious and ignorant nature, but I must do that throughout the game to seem cool. I am Vincent, Father Vincent. Don't forget it, OK? If you hate me, do not worry. I shall be killed later on my Claudia. You know that crazy bitch who killed Harry?  
  
Heather: Actually, I need to go downstairs and defeat the wicked-cool monstah before I see my dead father. Speaking of wicked-cool monstahs, have you been seeing them?  
  
Vincent: Hmmm. Monsters, you say? Well.hi-diddly doo. I happen to know one myself. Bobbie, you in that room?  
  
*A large groan is heard from the door next to Vincent*  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++MOO++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
*We start off with James, this episode. As his current situation means that this section will not last long.*  
  
*James strikes the ground with amazing impact, and creates a crater to the centre of the EARTH!*  
  
James: Owies.  
  
I know he was burnt to smoulders, but it wouldn't be a collage with only 2 characters.  
  
*There seems to be a bar on an unsupported rock in the centre of the.uh.centre of the Earth, a rock- type man walks up to James and drags him to the bar*  
  
Bartender: Hi there, traveller. We don't get many customers down here. My name's Peter and this is Rocky. You?  
  
James: Hahahaaa.very funny Family Guy reference there, Vakama. My name is James, and I should be-*looks at seemingly endless supply of alcohol and beverages* O_O  
  
Peter: What can I do ya, James?  
  
James: Got any root beer? I drank some in Grub's Déjà vu story.it rulz j00.  
  
Peter: Ok.O_o. So, where do you hail from, James?  
  
James: Silent Hill. Well, Alabama, but the dick up there got me abducted.  
  
¬_¬  
  
*rock flies from hole in the roof, and hits James. Once again, knocking him down and out.*  
  
Oops.  
  
Ok.I'm bored of James now..@_@. So let's find Harry.  
  
*We travel up and out.to the wonderfully decorated Midwich Elementary School for deformed and Satanised children.is Satanised a word? Never-mind*  
  
Harry: *wiping cream off his lips* See yall next replay! Especially you, demon child #12. *Harry simulates shooting a pistol at an extremely ugly demon child.imagine that? Ewww.*  
  
*Harry walks out of the front door, into hellish Silent Hill*  
  
Harry: What the-? *Walks back into school and up to lizard, then frowns*(  
  
Lizard: oowa-wi-gaagoo? Ooh-wa-wi-gawww.*The lizard then collapses onto the floor, seemingly dead.and winks at Harry. Harry winks back, and the school turns back to normal*  
  
*Church bells are heard*  
  
Harry: hmm. I bet that sound is coming from the Happy Burger restaurant. It sounds evil!  
  
*Harry runs out of the school shouting, "MUNCHY THE EVIL SOUND!", and proceeds to run into a lamppost*  
  
*When Harry regains consciousness, he is inside the Balkan Church*  
  
Harry: Damn. Happy Burger was taken over by McDonalds again. I must put a stop to this evil!  
  
*Harry runs out of the front door, and once more.into a lamppost*  
  
*When Harry regains consciousness, he sees an incredibly ugly woman standing in front of him*  
  
Harry: Oh my god! Latoyah Jackson?!  
  
IUW: *Staring at Harry* Do you know Kauffman, by any chance?  
  
Harry: No.*wipes powder off his lips*.So..got any retarded Rubik's cubes that you wanna give me? You know, so I can catch a certain little ghost girlie?  
  
IUW: No..I have this Flauros though. It's like a retarded Lament. You can even summon Pin-Head with it. how do you think you got here?  
  
Harry: Ha! That's funny.  
  
Idiot.  
  
Harry: stfu, Vakama.  
  
How did you say STFU? Was it like: Stuff-Yoo  
  
Harry: yeah.I think. I dunno. Let them work it out..*looks at reader and stares*  
  
*SIGH* Side-tracked, again.  
  
*Throws another magic rock at Harry, knocking him unconscious.*  
  
*Harry wakes up in a damned awful reception, Harry looks at the posters on the wall*  
  
Harry: *drooling* I've died, and gone to heaven.but then it's like they realised it wasn't my time, so they threw me into a porn center.  
  
*The ground crumbles and James climbs out*  
  
James: Haven't you got anything original? Jeezy-Creezy.  
  
Harry: Your face. It's so.real.  
  
James: You should see your 17 year old kid, Heather. OOMPH! She's hot.  
  
Harry: O_O  
  
James: Oh, yeah.right. Sorry, just.walk into the Doctor's office.  
  
Harry:.Why?  
  
*A loud gunshot is heard*  
  
Harry: Oh.that. Ok. Ciao, nice meeting yall.  
  
James: Bye Haz.  
  
O_o.Stuff-Yoo, damn chapter hog.  
  
*Harry walks into Doctor's office, and sees a well-dressed man dead on the floor, and a large skinned Pterodactyl-type thing holding a revolver on the chair.*  
  
LSPTT: *sighing* Kaw-Kah-KOOO..*shoots at Harry*  
  
Harry: *Jumps back, oblivious to the gun, dead man.or the bird-thing* Wait, I'm Harry Mason. I'm in town on vacation.  
  
LSPTT: KAW-KOO-KEH-KEE-KAAAAH!  
  
Harry: Peace, bro.  
  
*The LSPTT hand-jives Harry.*  
  
LSPTT: KAW-KAAAAH-RESPECK!  
  
Harry, satisfied with his social skills, sets off for the elevator.  
  
But that's enough of him.Heather barely has any space.  
  
*Heather is walking home veeeeery slowly.for suspense, and because she was a bit more scared than she expected.*  
  
Heather: *Opening her door* Dad, I'm home.  
  
What always stunned me is the fact that; heather did not go in bawling to Daddy, she was really quite calm.  
  
Heather: Dad? Dad? *Looks at Harry's lucky chair, he never went anywhere without it. Pinned to the chair there was a note.  
  
Dear Heather,  
  
I have been summoned back to Silent Hill, to once again kill your biological father. I have left some hot-dogs in the pan. I think you can cook them yourself. Oh, hearsay is going round that you're pregnant with god again.don't let daddy down honey. Try an abortion.I did.  
  
Your most likely dead father, Harry Mason!  
  
Heather: Oh...my god! He knows I'm allergic to hot dogs. Some father he is.  
  
*Heather falls onto the chair and starts wailing*  
  
Heather: ALLERGIES, YOU TOLD ME YOU KNEW EVERYTHING DAD! LIAR!  
  
Now every time Heather approaches that sacred chair, all her mouth will respond is: LIAR.  
  
Heather decided to go into her room for a piss.I mean, she had survived hell twice, cut her some cheese! Not seriously, you sick minded bastards.  
  
*Heather walks into her room, and then gasps. Her backstreet boyz poster has been STOLEN!*  
  
Heather: No! Oh, god no! WHYYYYYY! *Heather shudders* Da-yum. It's cold in here. *walks up to back door, where she sees blood trailing up the stairs* Hmm. Interesting.*clicks fuzzy vision switch on, and runs up the stairs*  
  
*Claudia is there*  
  
Claudia: You're late. We were scheduled for tea 45 minutes ago.  
  
Heather: You stole my backstreet boyz poster..*aims her pistol at Claudia*  
  
Claudia: Their music was not the work of our God, for one thing. We needed to fill your heart with hatred. One day you shall see. Anyhoo, It was I who gave the order, but he carried it out. *Claudia points over to the corner of the roof, where Drew Carrey is sat eating cheese pie*  
  
Heather: *holding mouth, and trying not to throw up* You sick.bitch.  
  
*Drew Carrey barges at heather, but Heather pulls out a Mars Bar from her bag and throws it off the roof. *  
  
SPLAT! Heehee.  
  
*Heather walks back downstairs to see Douglas eating the hot-dogs*  
  
Douglas: *shaking head* Allergies, I heard you.  
  
Heather: How grotesque. Anyway, wanna give me a ride to Silent Hill?  
  
Douglas: Nah.  
  
Heather: I'll make it worth your while.  
  
Douglas: Yowzerz! * Douglas' hat flies off head as if blown by and, and a whistle is heard*  
  
Heather: Sorry, I need to close the back door, and I need to stop practising my recorder at inappropriate times. Once again, sorry.  
  
Douglas: *Walking out slowly, He seems to be limping, Doity old man* I'll bring my car round your back.uh! I mean, umm..I'll get my car! *runs out*  
  
I experimented a bit. So it's kinda crap. I swore, So the rating has a bump- up!!! 


	4. The End of it all

==========================Disc-lame-O====================  
  
I still don't own KONAMI, your soul or any of the Silent Hill franchise. Yet I now own Bubbles hair. So nyah!  
  
Hmm.I would have said that.buuuut, MUHUHAAAAAA!*Blows up KONAMI building*  
  
HAAAA! Wait.damn.No more Silent Hill.  
  
=========Dedicated to Silent Hill Rulz.===============  
  
+++++++++++++++LAST WEEK ON SH:C++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Harry: stfu, Vakama.  
  
How did you say STFU? Was it like: Stuff-Yoo  
  
Harry: yeah.I think. I dunno. Let them work it out.*Looks at reader and stares*  
  
*SIGH* Side-tracked, again.  
  
*Throws another magic rock at Harry, knocking him unconscious.*  
  
*Harry wakes up in a damned awful reception, Harry looks at the posters on the wall*  
  
Harry: *drooling* I've died, and gone to heaven.but then it's like they realised it wasn't my time, so they threw me into a porn center.  
  
*The ground crumbles and James climbs out*  
  
James: Haven't you got anything original? Jeezy-Creezy.  
  
Harry: Your face. It's so real.  
  
James: You should see your 17 year old kid, Heather. OOMPH! She's hot.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++MOO++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
*Inside a very suave looking office, full glass walls and all furniture is either black marble, metal or black leather.*  
  
*Enter supah-suave looking man*  
  
SSLM: Hello readers. I am your host, Vakama. Welcome to, the TWIGHLIGHT ZONE.  
  
*World turns black and white*  
  
SSLM: Only kidding. Jill, you can turn colour back on!  
  
*A woman walks in, she looks at least 70*  
  
Jill: What? I can gurn Muller spack-on? You sick, sick man!  
  
*The woman throws her purse at the man a runs into a closing elevator door.*  
  
CRUNCH.  
  
SSLM: Right. Ok, it looks like this episode of SH: C is in black and white. Make the most of it, while you can. @_@  
  
*A brick is thrown through the window:*  
  
dear mistah. Author man,  
  
your stories aren't even funny. I would appreciate if you died. I hate the way you make fun of james1 I love him, and if you make fun of him again, I will send my daddy over to hit you very hard!  
  
From your NON-pal, The Clockwork apple  
  
Vakama: Him again?! ROAAARGH! That is it. James, shall die.  
  
*Camera turns round to reveal an amusement park in the corner of Vakama's office*  
  
*James is creeping through lakeside amusement park, CLANK! James jumps with a start. Just some rusty machinery. Then he sees it, the ICE CREAM PARLOUR*  
  
James: Yummy. After being in he centre of the Earth, an ice cream will do well.  
  
*James breaks into the parlour and starts to raid the ice cream. He searches every fridge, but finds nilch. When he gets to the last fridge, he sees a dark red liquid dripping from the bottom. Everyone, turn your stupidity meters off, otherwise you're in for a bumpy ride!*  
  
James: Yummy! Ice cream and red syrup. *James grasps the fridge door* I lurve syrup. I hope they have sprinkles! *He opens the door*  
  
GLUMPH!  
  
*James is sucked in, in a desperate attempt, he grabs the fridge opposite him, but being the dolt he is, grabs onto the fresh ice-cream he over- looked before, and is dragged into the fridge*  
  
James: AAARGH! OWWWWWW! OH, GOD NOO!! Yum, sprinkles! AAAAAAAAGH!  
  
*blood streams out of the fridge.*  
  
*The camera swings round to reveal Vakama drawing inane pictures of James eyeballs exploding*  
  
Vakama: STFU, me. Anyhow, James is now dead. Due to unanimous vote. Which consist of me, and a miscellaneous caller-in.  
  
*Another brick is thrown through the window*  
  
dear idiot-who-cannot-take-a-hint,  
  
since you killed off my beloved james, will kill another one of your cast.  
  
Your worst-fan, The clockwork apple  
  
Vakama: What the.oh, god no! Heather! *Vakama runs into the bottom-right corner of his room, where there seems to be a back-seat of car*  
  
*Another brick flies through window:*  
  
dear gump,  
  
I of-course mean harry mason.  
  
*camera turns round, and office is replaced by 2nd floor reception in Alchemilla hospital*  
  
Harry: Who would have thought one phone would work, too bad I used my free phone-call on some guy's office. Anyway, where to go now. how about this creepy old wooden door?  
  
*Harry tries to open it, but every-time he does, white letters appear at the bottom of his line of sight saying the lock is broken*  
  
Harry: Damn. Oh well, It won't hurt to try. *shoots door down with shotgun* I knew that would happen! Didn't I say that would happen, freaky doll I found downstairs? Yup!  
  
*Harry walks into the room behind that door. It is a small love-shack. Which has clearly out-dated itself. Harry holds his nose as he explores.*  
  
Harry: Pheeeeew! That's skanky! What's in here I wonder, those freaky KONAMI 40th floor. Creating a room behind a broken door. Eeesh.  
  
*As Harry is exploring, rustling sounds are heard*  
  
Harry: You're not scaring me this time, freaky child who is half of my daughters soul! I know there is nothing there!  
  
*But the rustling sounds continues getting louder, until*  
  
Harry: What the-? AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  
  
*An obese man with leaves for shoes, a long dirty beard, and nothing but dead grass as a skirt-type thing on*  
  
Harry: Oh no! Tom Hanks has came for revenge after I took over his part on Cast Away!  
  
Fat dude: No, actually. I am THE CLOCKWORK ORANGE! *stands proud* I am here to kill you.  
  
Harry: Oooh. Is this another, "I was fore-told by Jell-Omancy!" thing? If so, I'm out.  
  
Apple: Actually, I really am going to kill you. * TCA presses his fat thumbs into Harry's sockets and gouges his eyes out.*  
  
Harry: Owies! *dies*  
  
TCA: HAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *Suddenly, Vincent and Bobble-Head crash through the wall, what seems to be made out of paper*  
  
Vincent: NEVER!  
  
*As they run through the door Harry busted down, Bobble-Head rips TCA's head off.*  
  
*Soon after, two men holding pistols run through, one steps on TCA's stomach, causing blood to ooze out of his, neck "wound"*  
  
Rep #1: Come back, ya slimy lil' good-fer-nothin'!  
  
Rep #2: Vincent, come with us.  
  
*Camera backs away slowly, and then turns and runs, straight into Douglas' car*  
  
BADUMPH!  
  
Heather: Did we just kill a human?  
  
Douglas: No! it was a monster! *Steps on the accelerator*  
  
Vakama: *who was knocked out when he jumped into the back seat, sits up* What the- oh, Heather! Watch out, a psycho is gonna try kill you!  
  
Heather: *screams* Who are you!? *Pulls out pistol*  
  
Douglas: *Starts swerving, hoping to throw Vakama out of the window* I'll get him!  
  
Vakama: Wait! I am the author of the story you are both currently in!  
  
Heather: huh? Explain!  
  
Douglas: No! Don't He's crazy! We can't trust him! SHOOT HIM!  
  
Vakama: Think of it as the Matrix, You're Neo. The One. I am the Matrix. I control your destiny.  
  
Heather: Does that mean, I have to get inside you to get you to change your decision?  
  
Douglas: *Picking up on the euphemism* Heather! SHOOOT HIIIM! *Douglas lets go of the wheel and bends over to find pistol*  
  
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSH!  
  
Epilogue:  
  
It seems that all crap has to come to an end. This was the time for this crap. I hope you enjoyed the last episode. I may create more.if I get good reviews. So that probably means no more episodes. These stories were created for fun over a 4-day-period. Goodbye.  
  
*Camera zooms back to reveal Vakama in a full body-cast*  
  
*Zoom in on his heart monitor*  
  
BEEEEEEP  
  
BEEEEEEP  
  
BEEPBEEEPBEPBEEEPBEEEPBEEEEPBEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP 


End file.
